To those who care to read. I've been on Newgrounds since about 2005, and I began uploading music in 2006 when I was about 13 years old I think. Things were very different back then.

Musical artists were ruthlessly fighting for top 5 every week, zero-bombing left and right to get theirs in front! The audio portal was buzzing with exciting artists like F-777 and my man Kr1z!! I remember the collabs I did with HelthRMX and all the chats we had back when MSN was still a thing.

Back then we couldn't even post links, we had to split them up like this:

https://syphonmax.

newgrounds.com/audio

Anyway, I came to the realisation that Newgrounds is kind of my own little time capsule, there's a lot of heart I put into this place, so in light of all that, I did the brave thing and listened to every song I've uploaded here since I was about 13/15 years old!

So, if you care to come on a little journey with me, read on!

WARNING: I grew up when Basshunter and Cascada were peaking! It was Europop all the way!!

Some of it made me laugh:

"DO THAT! DO THAT!" God, it's so bad.

"I didn't think you'd be so feminine" -- the hell does that even mean!? Hahahah

Others left me confused as to what people were hearing, but it clearly spoke to some of you!

I created the above for an RPG game I made in RPG Maker XP. What was the title? "The Ultimate Battle", I wasn't very creative with titles back then...

I did it for our year 8 exhibition (13 years old), unfortunately for me, no one believed I created both the RPG and the song! So, I was disqualified. Hurts to think about, but at the same time it's quite the compliment, ain't it?

Others made me go, "hmm, not bad!":

I still get PM's about the above every once in a while.

Some reminded me of being absolutely hopelessly in love.

She once asked me to shotgun kiss her (where you kiss and blow smoke in each other's mouths) and I blew the smoke all over her face instead! Sorry for being such a goof :D

I never got with her, but I wouldn't change a thing. The stories that make us want to curl up in a ball of cringe are the best ones.

Others made me go "HOT DAMN!"!

It's funny listening to this because I'd absolutely NAILED the style of music going round at the time, but to me... it still wasn't good enough!

Muddy mixing aside, this is FIRE! Man, if I showed this to my teenage self and told him I made it, he would have laughed me out the room. I wish I still had the project file for this, would love to fix the mixing.

I actually remember making the two above. I was bored, we were on summer break from uni and I had nothing to do. So, I fired up FL Studio and came up with that bassline you hear. And then it kind of escalated from there.

Then there were the many many many attempts I tried to get close to John Asterick's version of Neverland:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60ruNpqiHWo

I allllllllmost got there in the end, I'm sure if I gave it another go (and maybe I will this time round) I would have!

You can hear the inspiration from John's version in there, a lot of the ideas are there.

Others reminded me of my very supportive friends who always banged on about my music and asked me to make more:

We cranked both up in my mate's bedroom and danced around.

The above was made for one of my closest friends at the time, we lost touch over the years, but I'll never forget you, Pembe.

And this user here used to send me really supportive PM's, always encouraging me to never stop, to never be disheartened and to keep going and going:

https://sailorsdream.newgrounds.com/reviews/audio

The kicker? It was my dad all along! Although, he has no idea that I know :)

He was the reason I started making music in the first place and he did upload some of them on my account, which I recently went back and remastered / even remaking one, as a birthday present.

Then there was the Would You Wake Up series, where each iteration was me experimenting.

I think I should create one more to show how far I've come musically.

It was also fascinating to see my style of music evolve, you can see the early hints of where I was headed as I powered through song after song, until I got to my true genre of uplifting trance (at the time anyway).

Which leads into my uplifting trance phase highlighted below. The darkest period of my life. These were not easy to listen to in the slightest and had me on the verge of tears:

It brings me right back to what I was going through at the time. Depression, anxiety, lack of a will to live on. I had it all. The interesting thing about them is how much hope there is in each one.

For those struggling with the same thing, there are many resources available to you. I even wrote one up, so please check it out. It might help :)

https://moondear.notion.site/moondear/Mental-health-UK-Based-7242fc3375494a508d5e4aba1fc87f9e

But this song here, these two were the turnaround. They are my "you know what? I'm gonna be alright" tracks:

Anyway, for those that have made it this far into the post, thank you for taking the time to read this and go through this journey with me. I've gone through so much and have come so far. I can genuinely say that I am absolutely, positively, happy with who I am and how my life has turned out.

Something tells me you might hear a lot of new things from me this year. It all feels "right" this time.